In the dynamic world of engineering leadership, conflict is often inevitable. I'm from Asia, sometimes people don’t like to have conflicts, they tend not to speak up, keep quiet then seniority plays a part where they just follow the leaders. Engineers also by default, most of them don’t like to speak up 😛.
But when we take a deep dive into the roots of these conflicts and learn to manage them effectively, what initially feels like friction can become a powerful catalyst for growth and stronger collaboration.
The Misunderstood Role of Conflict
Many of us have been conditioned to see conflict as something to avoid. Yet, high-performing teams take a different approach—they embrace it. They recognize that at its core, conflict is simply a difference in perspectives. When handled well, these differing viewpoints lead to richer discussions, smarter decisions, and ultimately, stronger teams.
However, there’s a fine line between constructive conflict and destructive conflict. The difference lies in how disagreements are handled. Artificial harmony– team members avoid expressing their true thoughts or disagreements to maintain a superficial sense of peace and agreement. Instead of addressing real issues, they suppress their opinions, leading to a false sense of unity. This can prevent important discussions and problem-solving, ultimately harming the team's effectiveness.
Creating Psychological Safety
Psychological safety is key to ensuring that conflict is viewed as a positive force. When team members feel safe to express their ideas and concerns without fear of retribution, they are more likely to engage in healthy debates. This doesn’t happen by accident; it requires intentional leadership.
The leader must also ensure that all voices are heard. This might mean stepping in to facilitate discussions, especially when power dynamics or cultural norms might prevent some team members from speaking up.
Small Groups
Building a culture of belonging isn’t a one-time event—it’s a continuous effort that leaders must nurture. One effective approach is to start by organizing discussions in small groups.
It’s something that should be continuously nurtured by a leader. Start from a small group, when people are in a smaller group, they tend to be more vocal. They tend to be more open, especially when they are align, they arrange themselves into the group.
You're speaking on behalf of the group. People become more confident and calm because they're not saying, “I think so”. “We think so”, which is very safe like that. The phrase "we think" carries more weight and offers a protective layer of safety. It’s no longer about one person’s idea—it’s about a collective perspective. This dynamic helps participants, especially those who might be less confident, to speak with greater confidence and calm.
In my experience, I’ve seen junior engineers grouped together, freely sharing their thoughts, followed by more senior team members offering their perspectives. Finally, the leaders weigh in, adding their insights. This structure not only encourages participation across all levels but also ensures that diverse perspectives are heard.
Sharing Vulnerability
As a leader, sharing vulnerability is not just a strategy—it’s a necessity. There are four key phrases that, if you don’t hear them in your organization, you should start using yourself. These phrases are powerful tools for fostering an environment where vulnerability is normalized:
- “It’s okay to make a mistake.”
- “It’s okay to be sorry.”
- “It’s okay to ask for help.”
- “It’s okay not to know.”
When leaders, especially senior ones, use these phrases authentically, they send a clear message: it’s not just acceptable to be vulnerable—it’s encouraged. This openness creates a ripple effect throughout the organization, making it easier for others to follow suit.
Building this atmosphere of trust doesn’t have to be confined to formal settings. It can start with something as simple as sharing personal anecdotes. For example, before a meeting begins, taking a few minutes to discuss non-work-related topics, like last weekend’s football match or a favorite hobby, can set a different tone for the entire conversation. This kind of informal exchange helps people to open up and share more than they might otherwise feel comfortable with.
Conclusion: Setting the stage
Source: The Making of Manager - Amazing Meetings
In conclusion, the leader has a crucial Importance in setting the stage. The leader must clearly communicate decisions, ensuring that all members are committed and accountable.
When you put someone’s idea on a whiteboard, you’re doing more than just noting down a thought—you’re sending a powerful cue of belonging. This simple act of visualizing ideas sends a clear message: your perspective matters. It’s a acknowledgment, which makes them feel important and involved.
A "cue of belonging" refers to a signal or action that communicates to someone that they are accepted, valued, and included within a group or environment
Visualizing the different viewpoints during a discussion isn’t just a nice-to-have; it’s a critical tool for effective leadership. It transforms abstract ideas into something concrete, making the conflict points and diverse perspectives visible to everyone. This process doesn’t just help in facilitating the discussion—it ensures that everyone knows their voice has been heard.
Leaders who consistently use this approach create an environment where people are more willing to engage, collaborate, and ultimately, commit to the decisions made. It’s not about making everyone agree—it’s about making everyone feel that their input is valued and considered. That’s the key to building commitment and fostering a culture of trust.